See these people that have extra limbs and whatnot? Can they actually use them? Like, right now on DMAX +2, there's one of those 'My Shocking Story' things, and this guy has 3 legs and 4 arms (and a wife and a kid, surprisingly) and it got me thinking, how awesome would it be to have 4 arms? You could pick up 4 large objects at the same time! Or punch someone lots of times!
That would be awesome.
And another thing, can this guy, like, run faster because he has 3 legs? Could he outrun a car? We'll never know.
WAIT WAIT WAIT
Okay, so, no, he can't run faster than a car. He's hopping about on one leg with crutches. My dreams of creating a super-human olympic team are shattered.
Shit.
Anyway, advert time. Women who were pregnant but didn't know. They were just getting fat and were sick every morning and had a fucking fetus growing in them because it was something else.
What?
People are absurd. And fucking stupid.
Oh look, it's Patrick Moore talking to, what looks like, a massive pretentious prick.
I give up on TV for tonight.
xxx
Sunday, 1 November 2009
Friday, 25 September 2009
oh god i have absolutly no life whatsoever
So, you know what I realised today?
The amount of vidya I have bought over the past 2 weeks.
Yep, it's a surprsing amount.
It's not 1 game, oh no. It's not even 3 games.
8.
8 games over the last 2 weeks. That's 4 a week. Which is 1 every second day.
Let's go over them, shall we?
To start us off, Batman: Arkham Asylum. Did not like at all.
I really don't see what all the fuss is about. It's not a 'superb stealth game', it's a mediocre brawler with stupidly easy 'riddles' thrown in.
Next, Red Faction: Guerilla. Was OK at best.
Why do game developers think that is they want to make a good game, all they have to do is put a colon in the title? You buy it so you can run around and make building collapse in fantastic detail and with amazing physics. Or at least that's what the developers want you to think.
What you actually get is a massive empty wasteland with a number of small, failry rubbish building to topple, which by the way, stays up even if the only thing left is a tiny leetle strand of brick. Not what was stated.
WarioWare Touch! is actually really good.
Half the time I have no idea what the fuck I'm supposed to do, and it's hilarious.
The World Ends With You. Surprisingly good for a Squaenix game. Only thing that lets it down is the massively emo protagonist.
Battlefield: Bad Company. Brilliant game, even with the colon.
Seriously, fuck MW. You can't blow holes in walls in that.
Endwar. I've never felt like a bigger tit in my entire life.
The voice control is amazing, but you feel like a dick. The whole idea was amazing, but sadly, no one plays online. Probably because they don't want to sounds like dicks.
Halo ODST. Why hasn't anyone I know got this yet?
Yeah, ok, so 5 hour campaign. So what, it's good. In fact, it's brilliant. Nathan Fillion. He's in it. Firefight is better than horde mode any day as well.
Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2. Bringing my 2 loves in life together, the vidya and the comic.
So, I completed it 23 minutes ago. Got in and started playing it at 3pm, so thats...11 hour story. Very good story, very good gameplay (brawler, but much, much better than batman). Only let down is the character roster. When they began making it, Activision said there would be loads of characters to play as, including Cable, War Machine, Lady Deathstrike and a lot more.
None of those characters are playable.
They're in the game, but not playable. But being Activision, I can see some expensive DLC coming out soon.
The only other bad thing is that the playable Nick Fury is a cock jaw nano version thats suck balls.
Anyway, that's it. 8 games. 6 I actaully liked.
Someone give me a real life pl0x.
The amount of vidya I have bought over the past 2 weeks.
Yep, it's a surprsing amount.
It's not 1 game, oh no. It's not even 3 games.
8.
8 games over the last 2 weeks. That's 4 a week. Which is 1 every second day.
Let's go over them, shall we?
To start us off, Batman: Arkham Asylum. Did not like at all.
I really don't see what all the fuss is about. It's not a 'superb stealth game', it's a mediocre brawler with stupidly easy 'riddles' thrown in.
Next, Red Faction: Guerilla. Was OK at best.
Why do game developers think that is they want to make a good game, all they have to do is put a colon in the title? You buy it so you can run around and make building collapse in fantastic detail and with amazing physics. Or at least that's what the developers want you to think.
What you actually get is a massive empty wasteland with a number of small, failry rubbish building to topple, which by the way, stays up even if the only thing left is a tiny leetle strand of brick. Not what was stated.
WarioWare Touch! is actually really good.
Half the time I have no idea what the fuck I'm supposed to do, and it's hilarious.
The World Ends With You. Surprisingly good for a Squaenix game. Only thing that lets it down is the massively emo protagonist.
Battlefield: Bad Company. Brilliant game, even with the colon.
Seriously, fuck MW. You can't blow holes in walls in that.
Endwar. I've never felt like a bigger tit in my entire life.
The voice control is amazing, but you feel like a dick. The whole idea was amazing, but sadly, no one plays online. Probably because they don't want to sounds like dicks.
Halo ODST. Why hasn't anyone I know got this yet?
Yeah, ok, so 5 hour campaign. So what, it's good. In fact, it's brilliant. Nathan Fillion. He's in it. Firefight is better than horde mode any day as well.
Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2. Bringing my 2 loves in life together, the vidya and the comic.
So, I completed it 23 minutes ago. Got in and started playing it at 3pm, so thats...11 hour story. Very good story, very good gameplay (brawler, but much, much better than batman). Only let down is the character roster. When they began making it, Activision said there would be loads of characters to play as, including Cable, War Machine, Lady Deathstrike and a lot more.
None of those characters are playable.
They're in the game, but not playable. But being Activision, I can see some expensive DLC coming out soon.
The only other bad thing is that the playable Nick Fury is a cock jaw nano version thats suck balls.
Anyway, that's it. 8 games. 6 I actaully liked.
Someone give me a real life pl0x.
Sunday, 20 September 2009
new toast (bet that hasn't been done to death yet)
I read an article today about an ex-Asda employee who licked chickens at work. Made some sense.
Anyway, for the past 2 weeks, I have been doing barely anything. College has set itself in with a violent urge, and work hasn't been all that lovely either (although I go this weekend off, which was nice).
Was Kellys birthday on the 11th, and I got her one of those nabaztag things (pretty much a kettle) and it's not working properly. Spent almost an entire day prodding it.
Didn't work.
Anyway, lately I've been blowing the shit out of everything in Bad Company and looking like an arse in Endwar. The whole 'voice command' thing is awesome and works perfectly, but you still manage to look like a massive dong while doing it.
Been reading comics as well (obviously). Almost finished the entire Earth X saga (exciting and boring at the same time) and The Gunslinger Born (Stephen King book, apparently).
Nothing much. The college band has been trying to play 'Crazy Train', but we keep getting stuck at the chorus. We got all the way through 'For Whom The Bell Tolls' though, which felt awesome.
And that's pretty much been it.
Anyway, for the past 2 weeks, I have been doing barely anything. College has set itself in with a violent urge, and work hasn't been all that lovely either (although I go this weekend off, which was nice).
Was Kellys birthday on the 11th, and I got her one of those nabaztag things (pretty much a kettle) and it's not working properly. Spent almost an entire day prodding it.
Didn't work.
Anyway, lately I've been blowing the shit out of everything in Bad Company and looking like an arse in Endwar. The whole 'voice command' thing is awesome and works perfectly, but you still manage to look like a massive dong while doing it.
Been reading comics as well (obviously). Almost finished the entire Earth X saga (exciting and boring at the same time) and The Gunslinger Born (Stephen King book, apparently).
Nothing much. The college band has been trying to play 'Crazy Train', but we keep getting stuck at the chorus. We got all the way through 'For Whom The Bell Tolls' though, which felt awesome.
And that's pretty much been it.
Sunday, 30 August 2009
this is essentially what i look like
That is what I look like.Got the idea that since I can't draw things from scratch, I would take pictures of people doing poses and work from there. Didn't really work either.
But meh.
Saturday, 15 August 2009
oh sleep, thou are a cruel mistress
So, it's 2:50am, I have to get up for work in 4 hours, 1o minutes.
To even say I have a sleeping pattern is madness. Though, I can't say tonight is entirely my fault. It's the mother/daughter combination arguing across the street that woke me up at, as Kellyelly put it, this ungawdly auwaah.
They were all "fucking this" and "fucking that". Couldn't really make out anything that was said, but at one point, the lovely mother thought the "whole of fucking West Kilbride" should hear that her daughter is a "fucking something".
So, what now for me, now that I can't sleep? Should I just stay up for the rest of the night, having only had 3 hours sleep? Maybe. Should I try my hardest to get back to sleep? Possibly. Should I write a blog? FUCK YEAH!
So, about my nap. I had quite a vivid and strange dream. I don't know why, but the first half consisted of mainly Chrono Trigger-esque graphics and plot (my dreams have plots). A group of 4 people where on their way to some place (I don't know where) and they were travelling by boat, along some sort of river that had caves dotted all around.
After a while of mindless boating, they stopped and entered one of the caves, and this is where it gets weird. The graphics changed to Oblivion-esque, and it was just me, in armour, with a sword, walking through this cave. After a while of stoating about, a small boy came running towards me, being chased by some sort of troll shenanigan.
After dispatching the troll (which I happen to be brilliant at, by the by), this little boy says to me to go and get his fathers body, which the rest of the trolls are using it as a table and chair and generally fucking about with it. So I say I will, and walk further into the cave. I'm met by what can only be described as a cave-pub, with all the trolls singing and drinking, and sure enough, there is the dead father, being punched in the groin.
So I do the heroic thing and charge in swords a-swinging.
Then all I heard was "fucking this" and "fucking that".
Will I ever find out what I did, and why is my sub-conscience a massive geek?
To even say I have a sleeping pattern is madness. Though, I can't say tonight is entirely my fault. It's the mother/daughter combination arguing across the street that woke me up at, as Kellyelly put it, this ungawdly auwaah.
They were all "fucking this" and "fucking that". Couldn't really make out anything that was said, but at one point, the lovely mother thought the "whole of fucking West Kilbride" should hear that her daughter is a "fucking something".
So, what now for me, now that I can't sleep? Should I just stay up for the rest of the night, having only had 3 hours sleep? Maybe. Should I try my hardest to get back to sleep? Possibly. Should I write a blog? FUCK YEAH!
So, about my nap. I had quite a vivid and strange dream. I don't know why, but the first half consisted of mainly Chrono Trigger-esque graphics and plot (my dreams have plots). A group of 4 people where on their way to some place (I don't know where) and they were travelling by boat, along some sort of river that had caves dotted all around.
After a while of mindless boating, they stopped and entered one of the caves, and this is where it gets weird. The graphics changed to Oblivion-esque, and it was just me, in armour, with a sword, walking through this cave. After a while of stoating about, a small boy came running towards me, being chased by some sort of troll shenanigan.
After dispatching the troll (which I happen to be brilliant at, by the by), this little boy says to me to go and get his fathers body, which the rest of the trolls are using it as a table and chair and generally fucking about with it. So I say I will, and walk further into the cave. I'm met by what can only be described as a cave-pub, with all the trolls singing and drinking, and sure enough, there is the dead father, being punched in the groin.
So I do the heroic thing and charge in swords a-swinging.
Then all I heard was "fucking this" and "fucking that".
Will I ever find out what I did, and why is my sub-conscience a massive geek?
So, what have I done since awaking at 1am, you ask? Well, as you probably don't know, one of my favourite things to do ever is read and write creepypasta (that's scary stories to you). Now, while this is quite entertaining for a while, it does have it's down sides. For a start, my head gets extremly paranoid about scary things (as in "oh god there's something right behind me. i'm not going to look, i'm not going to look"), which inevitably keeps me awake, because I don't want to sleep while there's something behind me.
Tonight has been quite good for my creepypasta indulgence, as I thought of quite a strange one.
It starts with a guy that watches too much TV. He's all curtains closed for the best picture quality and whatnot and rarely goes outside.
So, he decides to go to the toilet (poo basin), and on the way, almost knocks his TV over, but he catches it in the nick of time, although it does make a strange cracking sound, but he thinks nothing of it. He comes back down and turns the TV on. No one on TV has a face. They're all acting normally, but they have no faces, on every channel and every program. Strange, he thinks to himself, but he thinks nothing more of it and keeps watching, thinking it's a reception problem. Now these faceless people are still talking, but seeing as they have no mouths, they're just mumbling. He turns off the TV and decides to go to bed, hoping the problem will have rectified itself in the morning.
He wakes up, and turns on the TV, only to be greeted by people with faces, but screwed up in pain, and screaming loudly. Now, their body actions are normal, as if they are still present/starring in the show. Now he knows something is wrong and turns off the TV. He calls up the TV people (i dunno lol) to enquire, but is met by screaming down the phone. Now he is worried. He spends the next 3 days awake, turning on the TV every so often to see if it's stopped, but it hasn't. Finally, out of exhaustion, he falls asleep.
He wakes up again, turns on the TV hoping it was all a dream, and it met by everyone on every channel he goes through, staring right at him, with massive creepy grins, bigger than is physically possible. Wherever he goes in the room, their eyes follow him. He is scared. He's pretty much shitting himself. He runs to the door to go find help, opens it, and is met by thousands of people, all standing outside his house, staring at him with the same grin and eyes. He starts staring back, and after a few seconds, they all scream at once and lunge at him.
And that's pretty much it. Also, through out the entire period of typing that, my TV is kind of directly across from me and the light in my laptop is reflecting off the TV screen and I keep getting shivers thinking "oh god there's a face looking at me from the tv even though it's off oh god".
So, it's now 3:30am, I'm up in 3 hours and 30 minutes.
Goodnight, dear blog.
Tonight has been quite good for my creepypasta indulgence, as I thought of quite a strange one.
It starts with a guy that watches too much TV. He's all curtains closed for the best picture quality and whatnot and rarely goes outside.
So, he decides to go to the toilet (poo basin), and on the way, almost knocks his TV over, but he catches it in the nick of time, although it does make a strange cracking sound, but he thinks nothing of it. He comes back down and turns the TV on. No one on TV has a face. They're all acting normally, but they have no faces, on every channel and every program. Strange, he thinks to himself, but he thinks nothing more of it and keeps watching, thinking it's a reception problem. Now these faceless people are still talking, but seeing as they have no mouths, they're just mumbling. He turns off the TV and decides to go to bed, hoping the problem will have rectified itself in the morning.
He wakes up, and turns on the TV, only to be greeted by people with faces, but screwed up in pain, and screaming loudly. Now, their body actions are normal, as if they are still present/starring in the show. Now he knows something is wrong and turns off the TV. He calls up the TV people (i dunno lol) to enquire, but is met by screaming down the phone. Now he is worried. He spends the next 3 days awake, turning on the TV every so often to see if it's stopped, but it hasn't. Finally, out of exhaustion, he falls asleep.
He wakes up again, turns on the TV hoping it was all a dream, and it met by everyone on every channel he goes through, staring right at him, with massive creepy grins, bigger than is physically possible. Wherever he goes in the room, their eyes follow him. He is scared. He's pretty much shitting himself. He runs to the door to go find help, opens it, and is met by thousands of people, all standing outside his house, staring at him with the same grin and eyes. He starts staring back, and after a few seconds, they all scream at once and lunge at him.
And that's pretty much it. Also, through out the entire period of typing that, my TV is kind of directly across from me and the light in my laptop is reflecting off the TV screen and I keep getting shivers thinking "oh god there's a face looking at me from the tv even though it's off oh god".
So, it's now 3:30am, I'm up in 3 hours and 30 minutes.
Goodnight, dear blog.
The lord holds thee now.
Friday, 14 August 2009
Zone Horror Shenanigans
You know Zone Horror?
That channel that shows only 'quality' horror movies?
It's awesome, and only the info bits on sky are better.
Tonight, we have 'Curse of the Komodo', which the synopsis describes as a 'spectacular creature feature'.
You've got to love the guy that writes these up. He doesn't care about making the movie sound good, he's a rebel out to cause a ruckus and stir up trouble for the executives (implying that Zone Horror isn't run by someone, who at the same time, is watching the till in a corner shop).
The movie on the other hand, awful, in a brilliant way. Picture mid-80's 3D special effects, mixed with horrible (yet attractive!) actors and a script that not even Howard Cohen (he's written some horrible movies, most notably this). But it still grabs me and makes me want to say "Wow, I would never get to see a movie like this anywhere else". While not necessarily a bad thing, that, I do get the experience in watching it.
So, our attractive scientists. Who are they? What fields are they experts in? Are they good at using guns? All the answers are here, in this movie!
They are a rag tag group of attractive scientists with your average scientist names.
Drake!
Tiffany!
Foster!
Rebecca!
They're apparently experts in making massive man-eating Komodo Dragons (I believe that's the proper term for thier field of research), and boy, do they know how to fire, clean, disassemble and then reassemble guns (they must have learned in between the bench-pressing, studying and breast inplants).
And then we have our Komodo Dragons. Picture a small toy lizard. Now, in your head, make this toy lizard about 30' long. And now imagine it eating people, but really badly animated (as in a foot glitching out of it's head).
There is our monster! Our terrifying creature that these attractive scientists created in their labs, which, while I'm on the subject, happens to be a single, small hut on a Caribbean island (I'm not sure Komodo Dragons are even indigenous to the Caribbean). And as luck would have it, our lovely monster cannot be harmed by simple firearms, such as assault rifles and semi-automatic rifles, calibres of which could quite easily blow your (yes, your) arms off.
So, if our brave, attractive scientists cannot harm it, what must they do? Call for help?
Well, they done that, but as you could expect, the proper authorities can't do anything for another 8 months at least, so our heroes must trek accross the island, infested with these (identical) Komodo Dragons, to find a proper escape.
And of course, Tiffany, being her usual pissy and annoying self, has to run off and get eaten.
The movie ends with Foster sacrificing himself to get Mr Dragon to swallow some conveniant C4 and the army bombing the island, which, to be perfectly honest, looks more like Jamie Hyneman's idea of deforestation.
So, that's pretty much it. Massive reptile disfunctions (oh, dear) and attractive scientists.
Would not watch again, but I feel wiser now, having watched it.
That channel that shows only 'quality' horror movies?
It's awesome, and only the info bits on sky are better.
Tonight, we have 'Curse of the Komodo', which the synopsis describes as a 'spectacular creature feature'.
On a remote island, genetically engineered Komodo Dragons have grown to huge proportions and are devouring the populace. Can a band of attractive scientists stop them?Can they ever! These are the most attractive scientists I've ever seen!
You've got to love the guy that writes these up. He doesn't care about making the movie sound good, he's a rebel out to cause a ruckus and stir up trouble for the executives (implying that Zone Horror isn't run by someone, who at the same time, is watching the till in a corner shop).
The movie on the other hand, awful, in a brilliant way. Picture mid-80's 3D special effects, mixed with horrible (yet attractive!) actors and a script that not even Howard Cohen (he's written some horrible movies, most notably this). But it still grabs me and makes me want to say "Wow, I would never get to see a movie like this anywhere else". While not necessarily a bad thing, that, I do get the experience in watching it.
So, our attractive scientists. Who are they? What fields are they experts in? Are they good at using guns? All the answers are here, in this movie!
They are a rag tag group of attractive scientists with your average scientist names.
Drake!
Tiffany!
Foster!
Rebecca!
They're apparently experts in making massive man-eating Komodo Dragons (I believe that's the proper term for thier field of research), and boy, do they know how to fire, clean, disassemble and then reassemble guns (they must have learned in between the bench-pressing, studying and breast inplants).
And then we have our Komodo Dragons. Picture a small toy lizard. Now, in your head, make this toy lizard about 30' long. And now imagine it eating people, but really badly animated (as in a foot glitching out of it's head).
There is our monster! Our terrifying creature that these attractive scientists created in their labs, which, while I'm on the subject, happens to be a single, small hut on a Caribbean island (I'm not sure Komodo Dragons are even indigenous to the Caribbean). And as luck would have it, our lovely monster cannot be harmed by simple firearms, such as assault rifles and semi-automatic rifles, calibres of which could quite easily blow your (yes, your) arms off.
So, if our brave, attractive scientists cannot harm it, what must they do? Call for help?
Well, they done that, but as you could expect, the proper authorities can't do anything for another 8 months at least, so our heroes must trek accross the island, infested with these (identical) Komodo Dragons, to find a proper escape.
And of course, Tiffany, being her usual pissy and annoying self, has to run off and get eaten.
The movie ends with Foster sacrificing himself to get Mr Dragon to swallow some conveniant C4 and the army bombing the island, which, to be perfectly honest, looks more like Jamie Hyneman's idea of deforestation.
So, that's pretty much it. Massive reptile disfunctions (oh, dear) and attractive scientists.
Would not watch again, but I feel wiser now, having watched it.
Thursday, 13 August 2009
oh hey, look, my blog!
This here is a picture of Edward punching god.Not really, though, god doesn't exist, and if he did, he'd be pretty angry that I'm not capitalizing that 'g'.
In other news, I got paid today (yesterday) and bought useful things (nyaaah bitch).
I saw a sign thing on the train that said 'advertise here for £9.50 a week' and thought of many, many wonderous things I could advertise there.
Here is a list:
- "Steven McKenzie is Awesome"
- "This isn't a train, you're just crazy"
- Obviously, my blog
- Pictures of dinosaurs giving bro fists to each other
Ok, so there wan't 'many, many' but still, 4 is a lot considering I was sleeping half the time.
Also, Les Paul died this week. Not that I really care, I didn't know him personally, but he was 94 years old.
If he heard the music his guitars were playing, he'd have told all those youngsters to turn that hippity hoppity noise off, or something.
Love
Steven
xxx
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