Zone Horror Shenanigans Pt. 2

So, there's more crap on the crap channel, apparently.

SPIKER!

A huge albino man with incredible strength became a vicious killer known as the Spiker. Now, he's out of the nut house and plunging railway spikes into his squishy victims once again.

That's right people, a wig wearing man is plunging railway spikes into cheerleaders (who seem to wear their cheerleading uniforms constantly, just so you know they're cheerleaders). So, worst intro I've ever seen in a movie. Large, blond wig-wearing man (with added visible wig line) walks out of lake, where there just so happens to be a man hammering (not with an actual railway spike machine thing, but a hammer) railway spikes into a railway, walks up behind the man, picks up his spikes without him noticing and stabs him in the shoulders.

Last time I checked, stabbing someone in the shoulders with railways spikes wasn't exactly lethal (painful, but not lethal).

So, anyway, our cheerleaders. 3 guys, 3 girls. One of the girls is apparently a cheerleading medium who likes to party, the other is the neice of a woman who got murdered by said wig-wearing, attempted-murderer. Crazy coincedence, I know.

So, anyway, during a seance, performed by the partying cheerleading medium, something happens to neice woman, which apparently, made her spiriturally and physically, but at different times get up and walk out her seat, without anyone noticing. Awesome, you would think. Well, awesome, it is not. Why, she comes back, still unnoticed (not even by her seancing drunk cheerleading boyfriend) with a burst lip. THAT'S RIGHT! Not stabbed with railway spikes, but punched in the fucking face.So, after much deliberation and partying, they decide to go investasplore, only to come across the groundskeeper, who looks homeless and lonely. He tells them of blah blah blah blah, he knew neice girls aunt who got murdered, tells them to be careful yadda yadda yadda.

Anyway, after everyone has sex(with trousers on), the murdering begins! (Huzzah!). First, while making out, cheerleader/medium girls boyfriend gets a railway spike through the noggin, like a right twat and somehow manages to pull a tongue-coming-out-mouth face, even though he is brain dead/normal dead (apparently people live after they die). Cheerleading Partedium girl, also gets the murdered done. Gets a spike thrown in the back, but somehow manages to slowly crawl away and make it back into the house that's in the middle of nowhere (did I mention they where in a house in the middle of nowhere? I think I did). Anyway, she dies as soon as everyone sees her, face covered in blood, because shoulder wounds can do that to you.

So, they try to get away, but alas, there is a head in the bonnet of their SUV (SUV's cannot run if there is a head in the bonnet), so they run back into the house and lock themselves in the bedroom. Lo and behold, the groundskeeper is in there waiting for them, for some reason. He says stuff and then leaves, apparently oblivious to the fact that there is a large albino with railway spikes.

One other thing about this 'albino'. He has blue eyes. Haven't albinos got pink eyes?
I'm pretty sure they have.

So, anyway, things happen, albino smashes through wall, almost kills a guy, then a policeman arrives (not in a police car, but a normal car) and gets nailed to the wall, everyone goes to investigate (geenus!) and guy gets stabbed in the shoulder, but LIVES! Wild, I know.

Afterwords, everyone runs off in their own directions. Girl, who I haven't talked about yet, because she's boring and does nothing hides in a cupboard, but get killed, and hidden in some sort of loft. Guy who was this girls boyfriend (who had an axe) finds dead girlfriend and screams like a bitch, gets killed by said axe from above and dragged up the way (kind of shit).
Neice girl, on the other hand, is still alive, and sees her dead aunts ghost and gets scared, runs about and finds guy-that-got-stabbed-in-shoulder, still alive and looking groovy, and they head off to the safest place in the house, the easily accessible basement.
Have these people not planned for things like this? I mean, I have. If I get attacked by a railway spike killing albino, I'd kick him in the balls and break his fucking nose.
Anyway, they try to escape, but albino man stops them, and corners them in 'piano room', where he goes to kill neice woman, but she starts playing the piano, which apparently makes him walk backwards and away.

Anyway, after a long chase sequence, they all die.

This was a waste of a movie.

And 2 hours of my life.

i've been thinking again

See these people that have extra limbs and whatnot? Can they actually use them? Like, right now on DMAX +2, there's one of those 'My Shocking Story' things, and this guy has 3 legs and 4 arms (and a wife and a kid, surprisingly) and it got me thinking, how awesome would it be to have 4 arms? You could pick up 4 large objects at the same time! Or punch someone lots of times!

That would be awesome.

And another thing, can this guy, like, run faster because he has 3 legs? Could he outrun a car? We'll never know.

WAIT WAIT WAIT

Okay, so, no, he can't run faster than a car. He's hopping about on one leg with crutches. My dreams of creating a super-human olympic team are shattered.

Shit.

Anyway, advert time. Women who were pregnant but didn't know. They were just getting fat and were sick every morning and had a fucking fetus growing in them because it was something else.
What?
People are absurd. And fucking stupid.

Oh look, it's Patrick Moore talking to, what looks like, a massive pretentious prick.

I give up on TV for tonight.

xxx

oh god i have absolutly no life whatsoever

So, you know what I realised today?

The amount of vidya I have bought over the past 2 weeks.

Yep, it's a surprsing amount.

It's not 1 game, oh no. It's not even 3 games.

8.

8 games over the last 2 weeks. That's 4 a week. Which is 1 every second day.

Let's go over them, shall we?

To start us off, Batman: Arkham Asylum. Did not like at all.
I really don't see what all the fuss is about. It's not a 'superb stealth game', it's a mediocre brawler with stupidly easy 'riddles' thrown in.
Next, Red Faction: Guerilla. Was OK at best.
Why do game developers think that is they want to make a good game, all they have to do is put a colon in the title? You buy it so you can run around and make building collapse in fantastic detail and with amazing physics. Or at least that's what the developers want you to think.
What you actually get is a massive empty wasteland with a number of small, failry rubbish building to topple, which by the way, stays up even if the only thing left is a tiny leetle strand of brick. Not what was stated.
WarioWare Touch! is actually really good.
Half the time I have no idea what the fuck I'm supposed to do, and it's hilarious.
The World Ends With You. Surprisingly good for a Squaenix game. Only thing that lets it down is the massively emo protagonist.
Battlefield: Bad Company. Brilliant game, even with the colon.
Seriously, fuck MW. You can't blow holes in walls in that.
Endwar. I've never felt like a bigger tit in my entire life.
The voice control is amazing, but you feel like a dick. The whole idea was amazing, but sadly, no one plays online. Probably because they don't want to sounds like dicks.
Halo ODST. Why hasn't anyone I know got this yet?
Yeah, ok, so 5 hour campaign. So what, it's good. In fact, it's brilliant. Nathan Fillion. He's in it. Firefight is better than horde mode any day as well.
Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2. Bringing my 2 loves in life together, the vidya and the comic.
So, I completed it 23 minutes ago. Got in and started playing it at 3pm, so thats...11 hour story. Very good story, very good gameplay (brawler, but much, much better than batman). Only let down is the character roster. When they began making it, Activision said there would be loads of characters to play as, including Cable, War Machine, Lady Deathstrike and a lot more.
None of those characters are playable.
They're in the game, but not playable. But being Activision, I can see some expensive DLC coming out soon.
The only other bad thing is that the playable Nick Fury is a cock jaw nano version thats suck balls.

Anyway, that's it. 8 games. 6 I actaully liked.

Someone give me a real life pl0x.

new toast (bet that hasn't been done to death yet)

I read an article today about an ex-Asda employee who licked chickens at work. Made some sense.

Anyway, for the past 2 weeks, I have been doing barely anything. College has set itself in with a violent urge, and work hasn't been all that lovely either (although I go this weekend off, which was nice).
Was Kellys birthday on the 11th, and I got her one of those nabaztag things (pretty much a kettle) and it's not working properly. Spent almost an entire day prodding it.

Didn't work.

Anyway, lately I've been blowing the shit out of everything in Bad Company and looking like an arse in Endwar. The whole 'voice command' thing is awesome and works perfectly, but you still manage to look like a massive dong while doing it.
Been reading comics as well (obviously). Almost finished the entire Earth X saga (exciting and boring at the same time) and The Gunslinger Born (Stephen King book, apparently).
Nothing much. The college band has been trying to play 'Crazy Train', but we keep getting stuck at the chorus. We got all the way through 'For Whom The Bell Tolls' though, which felt awesome.

And that's pretty much been it.

this is essentially what i look like

That is what I look like.

Got the idea that since I can't draw things from scratch, I would take pictures of people doing poses and work from there. Didn't really work either.

But meh.

oh sleep, thou are a cruel mistress

So, it's 2:50am, I have to get up for work in 4 hours, 1o minutes.

To even say I have a sleeping pattern is madness. Though, I can't say tonight is entirely my fault. It's the mother/daughter combination arguing across the street that woke me up at, as Kellyelly put it, this ungawdly auwaah.
They were all "fucking this" and "fucking that". Couldn't really make out anything that was said, but at one point, the lovely mother thought the "whole of fucking West Kilbride" should hear that her daughter is a "fucking something".

So, what now for me, now that I can't sleep? Should I just stay up for the rest of the night, having only had 3 hours sleep? Maybe. Should I try my hardest to get back to sleep? Possibly. Should I write a blog? FUCK YEAH!

So, about my nap. I had quite a vivid and strange dream. I don't know why, but the first half consisted of mainly Chrono Trigger-esque graphics and plot (my dreams have plots). A group of 4 people where on their way to some place (I don't know where) and they were travelling by boat, along some sort of river that had caves dotted all around.
After a while of mindless boating, they stopped and entered one of the caves, and this is where it gets weird. The graphics changed to Oblivion-esque, and it was just me, in armour, with a sword, walking through this cave. After a while of stoating about, a small boy came running towards me, being chased by some sort of troll shenanigan.
After dispatching the troll (which I happen to be brilliant at, by the by), this little boy says to me to go and get his fathers body, which the rest of the trolls are using it as a table and chair and generally fucking about with it. So I say I will, and walk further into the cave. I'm met by what can only be described as a cave-pub, with all the trolls singing and drinking, and sure enough, there is the dead father, being punched in the groin.
So I do the heroic thing and charge in swords a-swinging.
Then all I heard was "fucking this" and "fucking that".
Will I ever find out what I did, and why is my sub-conscience a massive geek?

So, what have I done since awaking at 1am, you ask? Well, as you probably don't know, one of my favourite things to do ever is read and write creepypasta (that's scary stories to you). Now, while this is quite entertaining for a while, it does have it's down sides. For a start, my head gets extremly paranoid about scary things (as in "oh god there's something right behind me. i'm not going to look, i'm not going to look"), which inevitably keeps me awake, because I don't want to sleep while there's something behind me.
Tonight has been quite good for my creepypasta indulgence, as I thought of quite a strange one.
It starts with a guy that watches too much TV. He's all curtains closed for the best picture quality and whatnot and rarely goes outside.
So, he decides to go to the toilet (poo basin), and on the way, almost knocks his TV over, but he catches it in the nick of time, although it does make a strange cracking sound, but he thinks nothing of it. He comes back down and turns the TV on. No one on TV has a face. They're all acting normally, but they have no faces, on every channel and every program. Strange, he thinks to himself, but he thinks nothing more of it and keeps watching, thinking it's a reception problem. Now these faceless people are still talking, but seeing as they have no mouths, they're just mumbling. He turns off the TV and decides to go to bed, hoping the problem will have rectified itself in the morning.
He wakes up, and turns on the TV, only to be greeted by people with faces, but screwed up in pain, and screaming loudly. Now, their body actions are normal, as if they are still present/starring in the show. Now he knows something is wrong and turns off the TV. He calls up the TV people (i dunno lol) to enquire, but is met by screaming down the phone. Now he is worried. He spends the next 3 days awake, turning on the TV every so often to see if it's stopped, but it hasn't. Finally, out of exhaustion, he falls asleep.
He wakes up again, turns on the TV hoping it was all a dream, and it met by everyone on every channel he goes through, staring right at him, with massive creepy grins, bigger than is physically possible. Wherever he goes in the room, their eyes follow him. He is scared. He's pretty much shitting himself. He runs to the door to go find help, opens it, and is met by thousands of people, all standing outside his house, staring at him with the same grin and eyes. He starts staring back, and after a few seconds, they all scream at once and lunge at him.

And that's pretty much it. Also, through out the entire period of typing that, my TV is kind of directly across from me and the light in my laptop is reflecting off the TV screen and I keep getting shivers thinking "oh god there's a face looking at me from the tv even though it's off oh god".

So, it's now 3:30am, I'm up in 3 hours and 30 minutes.

Goodnight, dear blog.

The lord holds thee now.

Zone Horror Shenanigans

You know Zone Horror?

That channel that shows only 'quality' horror movies?

It's awesome, and only the info bits on sky are better.

Tonight, we have 'Curse of the Komodo', which the synopsis describes as a 'spectacular creature feature'.

On a remote island, genetically engineered Komodo Dragons have grown to huge proportions and are devouring the populace. Can a band of attractive scientists stop them?

Can they ever! These are the most attractive scientists I've ever seen!

You've got to love the guy that writes these up. He doesn't care about making the movie sound good, he's a rebel out to cause a ruckus and stir up trouble for the executives (implying that Zone Horror isn't run by someone, who at the same time, is watching the till in a corner shop).

The movie on the other hand, awful, in a brilliant way. Picture mid-80's 3D special effects, mixed with horrible (yet attractive!) actors and a script that not even Howard Cohen (he's written some horrible movies, most notably this). But it still grabs me and makes me want to say "Wow, I would never get to see a movie like this anywhere else". While not necessarily a bad thing, that, I do get the experience in watching it.

So, our attractive scientists. Who are they? What fields are they experts in? Are they good at using guns? All the answers are here, in this movie!
They are a rag tag group of attractive scientists with your average scientist names.
Drake!
Tiffany!
Foster!
Rebecca!
They're apparently experts in making massive man-eating Komodo Dragons (I believe that's the proper term for thier field of research), and boy, do they know how to fire, clean, disassemble and then reassemble guns (they must have learned in between the bench-pressing, studying and breast inplants).
And then we have our Komodo Dragons. Picture a small toy lizard. Now, in your head, make this toy lizard about 30' long. And now imagine it eating people, but really badly animated (as in a foot glitching out of it's head).
There is our monster! Our terrifying creature that these attractive scientists created in their labs, which, while I'm on the subject, happens to be a single, small hut on a Caribbean island (I'm not sure Komodo Dragons are even indigenous to the Caribbean). And as luck would have it, our lovely monster cannot be harmed by simple firearms, such as assault rifles and semi-automatic rifles, calibres of which could quite easily blow your (yes, your) arms off.
So, if our brave, attractive scientists cannot harm it, what must they do? Call for help?
Well, they done that, but as you could expect, the proper authorities can't do anything for another 8 months at least, so our heroes must trek accross the island, infested with these (identical) Komodo Dragons, to find a proper escape.
And of course, Tiffany, being her usual pissy and annoying self, has to run off and get eaten.
The movie ends with Foster sacrificing himself to get Mr Dragon to swallow some conveniant C4 and the army bombing the island, which, to be perfectly honest, looks more like Jamie Hyneman's idea of deforestation.

So, that's pretty much it. Massive reptile disfunctions (oh, dear) and attractive scientists.

Would not watch again, but I feel wiser now, having watched it.

oh hey, look, my blog!

This here is a picture of Edward punching god.

Not really, though, god doesn't exist, and if he did, he'd be pretty angry that I'm not capitalizing that 'g'.
In other news, I got paid today (yesterday) and bought useful things (nyaaah bitch).
I saw a sign thing on the train that said 'advertise here for £9.50 a week' and thought of many, many wonderous things I could advertise there.

Here is a list:

• "Steven McKenzie is Awesome"
• "This isn't a train, you're just crazy"
• Obviously, my blog
• Pictures of dinosaurs giving bro fists to each other

And that was it.
Ok, so there wan't 'many, many' but still, 4 is a lot considering I was sleeping half the time.

Also, Les Paul died this week. Not that I really care, I didn't know him personally, but he was 94 years old.
If he heard the music his guitars were playing, he'd have told all those youngsters to turn that hippity hoppity noise off, or something.

Love
Steven

xxx

possible band names that i have thought of but will probably never get to use because i don't have a band and no one really wants to be in one with me

So, I have thought of some band names:

1. Danger! Fire!
2. Satans Cock
3. Shitting Dick Nipples
4. lookatmeimazombie
5. Steven McKenzie and the Arse Banditos (a mexican affair)
6. helloisitmeyouarelookingfor
7. Patchwork Suddams
8. Warm Coco
9. Frick Stickletons

And that's about it.

oh wow look here

So, about 30 minutes since my last post and I just found another 2 pictures I done a few days ago to add here, oh lord.

bloop bloop bloop

Hello blog.
How are you?

I haven't done anything productive for the past 3 months.

Nothing at all.

Been trying to draw something that actually looks presentable to people, but I can't draw.

However, things have been looking up.

I've recently REDISCOVERED Harry Enfield and Chums (shit is hilarious) and got my sleeping back in order (late nights and early afternoons). I also have a kitten on the way for when I move out of this godforsaken house-that's-actually-quite-nice-to-live-in.
His name is Ultra Magnus and he is small and black.
Work is still boring. Stacking shelves and cleaning chiller cabinets really isn't my idea of a career. And the old people also annoy the hell out of me. Oh god, they ask for the most ridiculous things.

So, anyway, picture here is something that enjoys ruining flower beds and other types of garden shenanigans.

Enjoy.

Lawns and Jam

So, today I thought I would post a list of things I hate about work.

Unfortunately, I could only really think of the one.

Old people.

Old people that seem to be oblivious to everything thats ever happened ever.

Old people that still try to pay in shillings and tupence.

I hate old people.

Celebraties Of The World

These are some of the few celebraties I cannot draw.

Oh, sweet betrayal, thou art any different today

Jose is a silly man for setting up his pinata friend.

Well, I feel like crap. Too much Relentless. Here's some 30 second 'art'. It's a giraffe man.

Lost me other sketch book thingy as well, so everything is shit.

Good Evening One And All

You open your eyes. You're in a room. You're in front of a computer. You've stumbled upon this blog.

You're scared. You don't know what's happening. You don't know how you got here.

Did you click on a link by accident? Did someone give you this address? Were you redirected from a rickroll just in the nick of time before you started internet screaming at the immature 12 year old that sent you it on 4chan?

You can't remember.

All you know is that you're here.

Welcome to my blog.



Hi, how are you?